Always look on the bright side of life.

Sunday, June 24, 2018


Today I went to a yoga class for the first time in a long time. I accidentally laughed out loud when, as we reclined in corpse pose at the end, the instructor talked about how we'd just cleansed our bodies of "toxins and metals." Uh huh. I was embarrassed about my soft burst of laughter for about 10 seconds, until I switched to being embarrassed on his behalf, for believing in such woo.

Speaking of woo, if you're a fan of its debunking, I suggest the Merseyside Skeptics Society's podcast "Skeptics with a K."

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Irregardless, I Could Care Less About Grammar

"Irregardless" is not a word. If it were, it would be the negative of "regardless." Here's the definition of regardless:

adverb: regardless
  1. without paying attention to the present situation; despite the prevailing circumstances.
    "they were determined to carry on regardless"
    synonyms:anywayanyhow, in any case, neverthelessnonetheless, despite everything, in spite of everything, even so, all the same, in any event, come what may

But if I chose to use the non-word irregardless, I would use it to apply to the phrase "I could care less." Because this phrase is used in the same way as irregardless; that is, in opposition to what the speaker/writer means to say. "I could care less" about unicorns means that you actually DO care some about unicorns. But those who use such a phrase almost universally mean that they do NOT care, in which case the phrase should be "I couldn't care less" - as in, "it is impossible for me to care less than I already do about unicorns," i.e. "I care nothing for unicorns."

So yes, I am "paying attention to to the present situation" of the desecration of the phrase "I could/couldn't care less" and it pisses me off. I think only Matt was subjected to my actual fuming/correction of the phrase "I could care less" (because grammar nazis are not universally adored but husbands don't get a vote). But I would hope that any close friend or family of mine would gently correct me if I had any such routine and egregious gramatical misstep in my lexicon as the aforementioned.

/end rant

PS: I vote in favor of the Oxford comma.

Sunday, June 17, 2018

Lucky 13

Thirteen years ago today, my dad walked me down the aisle at the Dallas Arboretum so that I could join my life with Matt's. I am glad that I can still say that, since our wedding, I've still been married longer than widowed. One by one, those little things can no longer be said. For example, Matt died at age 30, and then I could say that I'd been with him half my life. As soon as my next birthday, no longer...

I actually haven't thought much about my wedding anniversary today, this post notwithstanding. It's easier, anyway.

Thursday, June 07, 2018

Noah and the Whale

When I was at Timberline Knolls (TK) the first time, Matt flagged the band "Noah and the Whale" via Spotify as a band he'd been listening to a lot in my absence. It wasn't really until after Matt died that I listened to their album "The First Days of Spring" for the first time. A couple of the songs really...get to me. Especially in the context of losing him.

"The First Days of Spring"

It's the first day of spring
And my life is starting over again
The trees grow, the river flows
And its water will wash away my sins
For I do believe that everyone has one chance
To fuck up their lives
But like a cut down tree, I will rise again
And I'll be bigger and stronger than ever before
For I'm still here hoping that one day you may come back
For I'm still here hoping that one day you may come back

"I Have Nothing"

Well, I have nothing
I have no one
I've been so quickly set free
And I love nothing
I love no one
Are words that you whisper in my mind, to someone
I don't know
To someone I don't know
To someone

So walk with me
On this new spring morning
I'll walk you 'till your fears are none
I'm a new baby weeping
I'm the flower you're keeping
That without love will wilt and die
I need your life in my life
Need your life in my life
Need your life

So come back to me
My darling
Come back to me
My darling

I'd do anything to be at your side
I'd be anyone to be at your side
I need your life in my life
Need your light in my life
Need your light

Thursday, May 24, 2018


When I wrote about all my reading, I indicated that I hardly watch any TV anymore. And that is true. But I should give a shout-out to the current incarnation (2005-present) of  Dr. Who, a show whose first ten seasons I surged through last fall. Also I revisited and finally finished the three seasons of "I, Zombie," which I thoroughly enjoyed and recommend to anyone with a Netflix streaming subscription. And lately, "Lucifer," in its third season, is probably my favorite show. I will also try to keep up with "Full Frontal with Samantha Bee" and "John Oliver: Last Week Tonight."

Talking about TV also makes me think about those shows I loved but managed to not finish. I watched every episode of "ER," for example, but missed the series finale due to storms interfering with our satellite dish. Some shows I stopped watching as my depression waxed, like "Breaking Bad," "Dexter," "How I Met Your Mother," and others. Instead I would get episode recaps from Matt. This was one of the pains, though minor, I ruminated on, as certain shows he had committed to reached the end of their run soon after his suicide. I would think "Matt, you were so wrapped up in this show; how could you not wait to see what happened at the end?" Such a trivial question, but from personal experience, it is sometimes the little things that manage to keep you going. Your family, your obsessions, your friends, your job or community, those are obviously what enrich the majority of your life, but when clinging to the cliff's edge, another episode of a treasured TV show may make the difference between life and death. I guess this may illustrate a significant departure of my depression from Matt's. But then again, it feels wrong to use television as some significant marker in such a major decision/life event/whatever.

I wish I could talk about the end of [insert TV show here] with Matt. We were so alike, so in-tune, and I miss that terribly. I miss him terribly. If I were a writer, I would construct a script where we end up happily ever after, and all the fans go away happy and we ride off into the sunset.